Today decided it was going to be one of THOSE days.
One of those days where I feel I have to really consider the direction my life is taking right now. See, I have plans for the first time in forever. I've only got one life, obviously unsure of how long it will last, damned if I will waste any of it.
I've spent the last couple of years working towards being a chef. I didn't go to culinary school, though I intended to. I was lucky enough to get hired as a dishwasher in a new restaurant (wasn't even opened yet when I was hired) and have had two awesome chefs as mentors. One is gone now, but the other has been training me more extensively the last few months and I have learned a ton. While I am extremely grateful for the opportunity I have, it is starting to take a bit of a toll on my sanity.
I suffer from severe anxiety and depression, for which I medicate, but sometimes under stress it tends to aggravate itself. That's where I am right now. I love my job, but at the same time I'm aggravated as fuck right now with the situation as it stands. I'm at the point of exhaustion and it's starting to affect my work a bit. It's also the case with my co-workers, but we all just suck it up and move on the best we can. Today my sensei got more than a little bent out of shape with us, but it wasn't like it wasn't deserved. We all know and accept that it was. That is not my issue at the moment.
My issue is that there are far too many fucking people trying to tell us what to do at the same time and its really starting to fuck us up, especially me. Never has my inexperience felt like more of a burden than it does right now. Add someone who doesn't understand the concept that yelling and being disrespectful to someone is definitely not the way to get shit done.
Besides....
I'm not the one.
I will not be talked to the way I was talked to tonight by ANYONE....ever.
For the first and only time in my life, I *almost* walked right the fuck out of my job. I'm underpaid, overworked and generally have no issue with it, because I honestly love my job. That being said, I will never sacrifice my mental health for the sake of anything or anyone, no matter how much I love it or them. Never.
So I will take a couple of days to calm down (yes, it takes a while, I have a temper), then have a talk with the management about it. If they choose to do nothing, then I suppose I will have to choose moving on.
Bummer.
I always have a plan. Having a plan B is always imperative. I won't speak of projects currently in the works until they've been more fleshed out, but I'll be happy to share them when I can. It's unfortunate that being an adult prevents me from just hanging out at home and working on other things, but you know, bills and food and all that. I would probably die without my internet. Well, not literally, but I definitely wouldn't be happy.
My point is basically this. Don't let someone else's misery bring you down. Don't ever let yourself stay miserable hoping that maybe one day you'll be happy if you just stick it out. Do what you love and don't let anyone ruin it for you....go about your goals in a different way if you have to, there is always another path.
#TakeItSlow #FollowTheRabbit
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