Today decided it was going to be one of THOSE days.
One of those days where I feel I have to really consider the direction my life is taking right now. See, I have plans for the first time in forever. I've only got one life, obviously unsure of how long it will last, damned if I will waste any of it.
I've spent the last couple of years working towards being a chef. I didn't go to culinary school, though I intended to. I was lucky enough to get hired as a dishwasher in a new restaurant (wasn't even opened yet when I was hired) and have had two awesome chefs as mentors. One is gone now, but the other has been training me more extensively the last few months and I have learned a ton. While I am extremely grateful for the opportunity I have, it is starting to take a bit of a toll on my sanity.
I suffer from severe anxiety and depression, for which I medicate, but sometimes under stress it tends to aggravate itself. That's where I am right now. I love my job, but at the same time I'm aggravated as fuck right now with the situation as it stands. I'm at the point of exhaustion and it's starting to affect my work a bit. It's also the case with my co-workers, but we all just suck it up and move on the best we can. Today my sensei got more than a little bent out of shape with us, but it wasn't like it wasn't deserved. We all know and accept that it was. That is not my issue at the moment.
My issue is that there are far too many fucking people trying to tell us what to do at the same time and its really starting to fuck us up, especially me. Never has my inexperience felt like more of a burden than it does right now. Add someone who doesn't understand the concept that yelling and being disrespectful to someone is definitely not the way to get shit done.
Besides....
I'm not the one.
I will not be talked to the way I was talked to tonight by ANYONE....ever.
For the first and only time in my life, I *almost* walked right the fuck out of my job. I'm underpaid, overworked and generally have no issue with it, because I honestly love my job. That being said, I will never sacrifice my mental health for the sake of anything or anyone, no matter how much I love it or them. Never.
So I will take a couple of days to calm down (yes, it takes a while, I have a temper), then have a talk with the management about it. If they choose to do nothing, then I suppose I will have to choose moving on.
Bummer.
I always have a plan. Having a plan B is always imperative. I won't speak of projects currently in the works until they've been more fleshed out, but I'll be happy to share them when I can. It's unfortunate that being an adult prevents me from just hanging out at home and working on other things, but you know, bills and food and all that. I would probably die without my internet. Well, not literally, but I definitely wouldn't be happy.
My point is basically this. Don't let someone else's misery bring you down. Don't ever let yourself stay miserable hoping that maybe one day you'll be happy if you just stick it out. Do what you love and don't let anyone ruin it for you....go about your goals in a different way if you have to, there is always another path.
#TakeItSlow #FollowTheRabbit
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
Monday, October 10, 2016
Shit sakes it's been a long time since I've written anything.
Shame on me I suppose...if I was actually keeping a schedule for doing this like I used to.
Like I "plan" on doing again. I suppose we shall see.
I've been sitting here for the last couple of hours not really able to concentrate on much. Got some news today at work that was like a big fat kick in the ass. It wasn't the worst thing that could happen I suppose, but I would definitely be happier if it hadn't. We were told there would be a MANDATORY staff meeting today (.....meh..), so there was that to look forward all day. Of course most of the day was spent with us wondering what it could possible be about, as they generally don't keep anything from us. After the end of this particular meeting, my bad attitude about staff meetings has only increased.
Found out we were wishing our chef the best in her future endeavors. Extremely unhappy about this to say the very least.
I'm so very happy so many new opportunities have become available to her, it just sucks that we have to lose her for her to pursue them. :/ I am trying to keep a positive attitude about this situation by reminding myself this is also an opportunity for me to keep moving forward myself. Not by leaving the restaurant, but by pushing forward and to continue learning. Luckily my sensei (Chef J) is still there to keep teaching me. If he ever goes....*shrugs*, likely be calling it done.
It's been so long since I've written I'm not even going to go back and check to see what I said before. Don't care at this point. Things to say in case I didn't already...
I have a really bad potty mouth. Swearing is just in my nature, if you are sensitive to that, this probably isn't the place for you to be.
I have a very random and dark sense of humor. See sensitivity disclaimer above.
This is basically my diary, my place to rant, story of my boring little life. Apparently some find it interesting though. I find it a lot easier to express myself by writing than I ever could do talking. It's easier for me to get it out this way.
I'm a social media whore. You can find me there pretty easily, but keep in mind, my Facebook is VERY private and I DO NOT accept friend requests from people I do not know. Period, end of story. However, my IG, Twitter, Tumblr are all public so have at that if you choose. If I can link them here, I will.
You'll get to know me through here if you pay attention (and I keep writing of course), so I won't tell you everything here. Guess we'll have to see if I can keep ya interested, eh?
#TakeItSlow #FollowTheRabbit
Shame on me I suppose...if I was actually keeping a schedule for doing this like I used to.
Like I "plan" on doing again. I suppose we shall see.
I've been sitting here for the last couple of hours not really able to concentrate on much. Got some news today at work that was like a big fat kick in the ass. It wasn't the worst thing that could happen I suppose, but I would definitely be happier if it hadn't. We were told there would be a MANDATORY staff meeting today (.....meh..), so there was that to look forward all day. Of course most of the day was spent with us wondering what it could possible be about, as they generally don't keep anything from us. After the end of this particular meeting, my bad attitude about staff meetings has only increased.
Found out we were wishing our chef the best in her future endeavors. Extremely unhappy about this to say the very least.
I'm so very happy so many new opportunities have become available to her, it just sucks that we have to lose her for her to pursue them. :/ I am trying to keep a positive attitude about this situation by reminding myself this is also an opportunity for me to keep moving forward myself. Not by leaving the restaurant, but by pushing forward and to continue learning. Luckily my sensei (Chef J) is still there to keep teaching me. If he ever goes....*shrugs*, likely be calling it done.
It's been so long since I've written I'm not even going to go back and check to see what I said before. Don't care at this point. Things to say in case I didn't already...
I have a really bad potty mouth. Swearing is just in my nature, if you are sensitive to that, this probably isn't the place for you to be.
I have a very random and dark sense of humor. See sensitivity disclaimer above.
This is basically my diary, my place to rant, story of my boring little life. Apparently some find it interesting though. I find it a lot easier to express myself by writing than I ever could do talking. It's easier for me to get it out this way.
I'm a social media whore. You can find me there pretty easily, but keep in mind, my Facebook is VERY private and I DO NOT accept friend requests from people I do not know. Period, end of story. However, my IG, Twitter, Tumblr are all public so have at that if you choose. If I can link them here, I will.
You'll get to know me through here if you pay attention (and I keep writing of course), so I won't tell you everything here. Guess we'll have to see if I can keep ya interested, eh?
#TakeItSlow #FollowTheRabbit
Friday, November 27, 2015
...and then I temporarily fell off the earth.
Well, not really.
I just got really busy all of a sudden, out of nowhere. I suppose a brief update is order.
Did the second day of BlizzCon, which was fun but not as exciting because people had already spent all their money the two previous days or Blizzard was simply out of what they wanted. Still met more awesome people though, which is the best part.
My car got smashed by some dumb twat a few days before BlizzCon and the insurance people finally did the estimate on my car and promptly had it sent to the repair shop, where it has been ever since. Over two weeks now, I have been having to take the bus again, which makes me decidedly unhappy.
Not a huge fan of people. It's not the people per se, it's my anxiety that makes me not want to be around strangers, like, ever. Sometimes its hard for me to even be around friends, but they understand and are very accomodating. They also know how to deal with my bouts of depression which can cause me to go into radio silence for a while. Yeah...depression/anxiety = no fun. That with a fair amount of OCD makes for an interesting person, trust that. But I digress.
I work as a prep cook in a fine dining restaurant and we recently added a small pizza place to the front of the building. Since pizza has been something I have worked with for years, I was volunteered to help them get this place up and running. While it is nice that they are looking to me for so much help in running it, I am fucking exhausted. I am up at 430am every day (that is generally the time I'm going to bed) so I can be at work by 7am to get ovens turned on, dough out, etc. By the time I get home at night it's about 6-7pm which gives me like an hour before I should be trying to go to bed. Never happens. My body and mind refuse to be in bed earlier than midnight.
Did I mention how fucking tired I am???
Well I'm almost home now. Time to get in my P.J.s, turn on my laptop and get to the gaming. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!
Cheers! 😊
Saturday, November 7, 2015
BlizzCon, Day 1
Last September, shortly after moving back to Southern California, I found a temp job working as a cashier at BlizzCon. On the assumption everyone else is not as much of a nerd as I am, I will explain what that is.
BlizzCon is a yearly convention dedicated to all things Blizzard Entertainment. This includes, but is not limited to, World of Warcraft, Diablo, Hearthstone, Overwatch and Heroes of the Storm. It's a huge deal if you are into any of that shit. Used to play WoW, until I found Guild Wars, which to me is exponentially better. I do still love anything associated with gaming and cashiering I can practically do in my sleep, so it was a no-brainer to do the job.
I was glad I did. It was a lot of fun, mainly because of all the people I met. We had customers from literally all over the world and seeing so many people from different walks of life bonding over gaming is amazing and wonderful to me.
When they called me a couple of months ago to see if I wanted to work the event again this year, I jumped at the chance. Then I found out Wil Wheaton (one of my heroes) was hosting and I got even more excited, because hello...WIL WHEATON!! Bonus the closing band this year is Linkin Park (last year was Metallica), who I have yet to see live and now I'll get paid to see them.
Today was not exactly what I expected though. It wasn't bad by any means (at least not to me), but it definitely had some people on edge. Last year, the Blizzard store, a.k.a., merch booths were located upstairs on one of the main show floors, so people wouldn't miss too much since the wait is generally about 2-5 hours. This year, they have us in what equates to the basement, which would be great except it keeps fucking with our internet connection, which in turn fucks with our ability to do things like run credit cards on 60 registers at the same time without the system crashing. Apparently it happened yesterday as well, can't say I'm sorry I missed that. At one point, we had to do a cash only line of registers, which meant people that didn't know how to math like they said they could looked a little silly. If you can't math without a computer, you have no business cashiering. They got it straightened out after a couple of hours, but it was still slow going for the poor customers. I imagine we will be having these kinds of issues all day tomorrow too, so hopefully Blizzard learned their lesson and will fix it next year.
Cool thing about it though is we got to hang out with our customers longer and chat. It's the best part of doing this job!! Met a guy from Chile, a few people from Canada, Texas, Florida and Sweden. Just like last year, everyone is super nice, which is also amazing considering how long they are standing in these merch lines AND that some of the stuff they want sold out the first day.
So in about 5 hours I head back to the convention center to finish out the convention, ending with that Linkin Park concert. I'll be there all day, so hopefully I'll have some more interesting stories than this. :p
BlizzCon is a yearly convention dedicated to all things Blizzard Entertainment. This includes, but is not limited to, World of Warcraft, Diablo, Hearthstone, Overwatch and Heroes of the Storm. It's a huge deal if you are into any of that shit. Used to play WoW, until I found Guild Wars, which to me is exponentially better. I do still love anything associated with gaming and cashiering I can practically do in my sleep, so it was a no-brainer to do the job.
I was glad I did. It was a lot of fun, mainly because of all the people I met. We had customers from literally all over the world and seeing so many people from different walks of life bonding over gaming is amazing and wonderful to me.
When they called me a couple of months ago to see if I wanted to work the event again this year, I jumped at the chance. Then I found out Wil Wheaton (one of my heroes) was hosting and I got even more excited, because hello...WIL WHEATON!! Bonus the closing band this year is Linkin Park (last year was Metallica), who I have yet to see live and now I'll get paid to see them.
Today was not exactly what I expected though. It wasn't bad by any means (at least not to me), but it definitely had some people on edge. Last year, the Blizzard store, a.k.a., merch booths were located upstairs on one of the main show floors, so people wouldn't miss too much since the wait is generally about 2-5 hours. This year, they have us in what equates to the basement, which would be great except it keeps fucking with our internet connection, which in turn fucks with our ability to do things like run credit cards on 60 registers at the same time without the system crashing. Apparently it happened yesterday as well, can't say I'm sorry I missed that. At one point, we had to do a cash only line of registers, which meant people that didn't know how to math like they said they could looked a little silly. If you can't math without a computer, you have no business cashiering. They got it straightened out after a couple of hours, but it was still slow going for the poor customers. I imagine we will be having these kinds of issues all day tomorrow too, so hopefully Blizzard learned their lesson and will fix it next year.
Cool thing about it though is we got to hang out with our customers longer and chat. It's the best part of doing this job!! Met a guy from Chile, a few people from Canada, Texas, Florida and Sweden. Just like last year, everyone is super nice, which is also amazing considering how long they are standing in these merch lines AND that some of the stuff they want sold out the first day.
So in about 5 hours I head back to the convention center to finish out the convention, ending with that Linkin Park concert. I'll be there all day, so hopefully I'll have some more interesting stories than this. :p
Friday, November 6, 2015
Favorite band I-/
Music is the most important thing in the world to me. It has seen me through every difficult time in my life, has always been my escape and my comfort.
It's helped and healed me in ways people have never been able to.
There has not been a band or musician in years that has affected me as deeply as this band has. The last was Matthew Good, who is still ultimately the best thing that has ever happened to me musically.
twenty one pilots is right up there with him.
The music itself is catchy as hell, but if you really LISTEN to what they are saying...
...damn.
So be warned, you will see a LOT of stuff about them and Matt on this page. It's important to me and hey, you may end up loving it too if you don't already.
"I'm fairly local
I've been around
I've seen the streets
You're walking down
I'm fairly local
Good people now"
What the hell happened to today???
I just don't understand how a pretty good day ended up changing so damn fast!!!
Seriously...what the fuck.
Woke up, got my ass to work. On time even!! Things went smoothly there, got everything done I needed to without any hassle.
Then I fucked up my night by leaving work.
Wasn't even 5 minutes away from my job when it went to shit.
On my drive home, an idiot lady in a Mercedes decided she just didn't need to notice that I was coming up the street and literally turned into my car. Luckily I was not driving more than 30 MPH at the time and I saw what her dumb ass was in the process of doing. I was able to break enough that she only took the entire front fender off my car.
Needless to say, I was more than a little upset.
Luckily she did not try to leave, because I would have followed her with my shit dragging. She pulled in and after her husband pointed out to me where she was still sitting in her car (she hadn't even bothered to get out of hers to see what she had done) and I proceeded to ask her what the hell she was thinking, did she HAVE to turn right then? Her response was fucking priceless.
"I didn't see you at all."
All I'm thinking is WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DRIVING???
What I said was, "you should come look and see what you did to my car, you demolished the front of it." to which her response was "I'm sorry, I didn't see you..".
So after exchanging insurance information with her husband (and making sure they were both okay even though I was still pissed she fucked up my car), I put the pieces of my fender she wrecked in my backseat and continued home. Of course on the way, I got stuck driving behind every slow fuck on the road.
In case you hadn't noticed yet, I have a bad case of potty mouth. Don't care, won't apologize for it. It's me.
Anyhow, got home and changed out of my work clothes while deciding what to have for dinner. Fast food was happening tonight, because I sure as hell was not cooking or waiting for anything to be cooked. The decision was Burger King, because you know, Chicken Fries. After being assured everything was there (while I was trying to check), got home and discovered my burger was missing. Everyone else had theirs, which was good at least.
I just wanted to relax and have some food and I couldn't have that.
You'd think I shit in someones cereal or kicked a puppy or something!
Things are finally calm now. Better damn well stay that way.
Only good thing about today was it got me back started on this. I used to maintain a blog a few years back, but due to personal reasons had to step back. Shit circumstance killed my passion for it honestly.
I missed this and I'm glad to be back at it.
Hopefully I can keep you guys amused enough to stick around with me.
:)
Seriously...what the fuck.
Woke up, got my ass to work. On time even!! Things went smoothly there, got everything done I needed to without any hassle.
Then I fucked up my night by leaving work.
Wasn't even 5 minutes away from my job when it went to shit.
On my drive home, an idiot lady in a Mercedes decided she just didn't need to notice that I was coming up the street and literally turned into my car. Luckily I was not driving more than 30 MPH at the time and I saw what her dumb ass was in the process of doing. I was able to break enough that she only took the entire front fender off my car.
Needless to say, I was more than a little upset.
Luckily she did not try to leave, because I would have followed her with my shit dragging. She pulled in and after her husband pointed out to me where she was still sitting in her car (she hadn't even bothered to get out of hers to see what she had done) and I proceeded to ask her what the hell she was thinking, did she HAVE to turn right then? Her response was fucking priceless.
"I didn't see you at all."
All I'm thinking is WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DRIVING???
What I said was, "you should come look and see what you did to my car, you demolished the front of it." to which her response was "I'm sorry, I didn't see you..".
So after exchanging insurance information with her husband (and making sure they were both okay even though I was still pissed she fucked up my car), I put the pieces of my fender she wrecked in my backseat and continued home. Of course on the way, I got stuck driving behind every slow fuck on the road.
In case you hadn't noticed yet, I have a bad case of potty mouth. Don't care, won't apologize for it. It's me.
Anyhow, got home and changed out of my work clothes while deciding what to have for dinner. Fast food was happening tonight, because I sure as hell was not cooking or waiting for anything to be cooked. The decision was Burger King, because you know, Chicken Fries. After being assured everything was there (while I was trying to check), got home and discovered my burger was missing. Everyone else had theirs, which was good at least.
I just wanted to relax and have some food and I couldn't have that.
You'd think I shit in someones cereal or kicked a puppy or something!
Things are finally calm now. Better damn well stay that way.
Only good thing about today was it got me back started on this. I used to maintain a blog a few years back, but due to personal reasons had to step back. Shit circumstance killed my passion for it honestly.
I missed this and I'm glad to be back at it.
Hopefully I can keep you guys amused enough to stick around with me.
:)
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